I joined the NHS as a raw 16 year old nursing cadet and trained as a general nurse at The Hammersmith Hospital. I worked for a number of years in the hospital environment before moving into the community. Initially I was a District Nurse and then became a Specialist Nurse in Audiology working exclusively with babies and children. After ten years in that post I completed the obstetric and health visitor training and have spent the last 20 years as a Health Visitor working with parents and their families. That’s 30 years helping parents with the complexity of raising their children.
I’ve spent many years training to attain my qualifications, maintaining my knowledge base and keeping my practice up to date, but my second “career” as a parent came by accident and for me far too young.
During my pregnancy I attended parent craft classes and focussed almost entirely on how I was going to deliver this baby. Labour seemed such a huge and frightening prospect. If the post-natal period was mentioned during the classes I was not aware of it, or did not take it in. When I bought my new baby home, reality hit me. Although I was well used to taking responsibility this seemed entirely different, as he was so tiny, precious and helpless. My anxiety was such that there was no enjoyment in him. I worried if he cried, if he did not sleep, or slept too long. Had I fed him enough or too little? Was he too hot or too cold? Was his weight gain satisfactory? My tensions began to impinge on him and that exacerbated the situation. I had little family support and no one close that I could ask for advice, other than the Health Visitor at the weekly clinic, the rest of the week it was down to me. But he survived AND thrived!
Fortunately, the situation did not remain that chaotic and my children (I have three) are now grown and two are parents themselves. I think that my situation was then, and still is, very common. Our parenting skills are honed by our own childhood experiences of how we ourselves were parented be it good or bad. The pressures on the family today are huge. The financial burden which necessitates both parents having to work plus the lack of affordable childcare can be exacerbated with contradictory advice from the media with snippets from both good and poorly designed research projects. The publicising of these latter issues caused many parents great anxiety and unnecessary expense (remember the MMR debacle).
The well being of us all depends on how children are parented because good practices will continue down through the generations. Today we see many young lives blighted by inadequate parenting. Some of these unfortunate children will be rescued through the Child Protection Procedures, others supported through the auspices of Home Start or Sure Start who will help parents to improve their practices and thereby their children’s lives. There are also times when even the most ordered of families will experience seemingly insurmountable problems and because of the emotional ties one has with one’s child/children it is difficult to find a resolution. Help may be needed from outside the family and this project is aimed at helping you through the parenting minefield.
