Tantrums - some causes and myths

Tantrum triggers and myths

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums are emotional explosions from your child. Some result from anger and temper, where the child stamps, kicks, hits and screams, while others are distress-related, where they cry, sob and throw themselves on the floor. They are usually most common in the toddler years, and become easier to handle once a child develops greater language skills.

Some points to think about…

• Tantrums are part of normal developmental behaviour for children aged 1 – 3 and over. They are not really 'naughty' or used deliberately to wind you up!
• It’s been estimated that tantrums occur at least once a week in 50-80% of children, and one in five 2-year olds have two or more tantrums a day.
• Many behaviours we value in adults, such as having your own ideas and being assertive, have their roots in ‘difficult’ toddler behaviour!

Remember: Tantrums need an audience! Children don’t pop into the next room to have them!

Tantrum Triggers - some common causes

• Frustration, often due to limited language, or lacking the skills to complete tasks, for example getting stuck with a jumper half-way on, or a piece of puzzle that won’t fit.
• Being hungry or tired
• Wanting things they can’t have – whether it’s sweets at the checkout, one more video, or a friend’s toy.
• Wanting independence – To walk, not ride in the buggy, to choose her own clothes, or to brush his own teeth.
• Over-stimulation – common during exciting events like parties or Christmas.
• Attention seeking - if previous tantrums got lots of attention, this can become a pattern as kids grow.
• Emotional overload - when trying to cope with the world and the many new experiences a toddler has every day just feels like too much.

Tantrum myths

• I must be a useless parent if my child has so many tantrums. While loving, positive parenting can help keep tantrums to a minimum, other factors, like the child’s temperament, or the level of frustration he meets, will also have an influence. No matter how great a parent you are, most toddlers will have a tantrum at some stage!
• My child does it deliberately when we’re out to embarrass me. Toddlers really don’t think in that way! All their behaviour is an expression of their own needs and feelings, not trying to get at you, even though it can sometimes feel like that!
• My child saves her tantrums for me – she’s good as gold with her childminder. Believe it or not, this is a compliment! Your child feels most emotionally secure with you, and knows you will still love her no matter how she behaves. After being on ‘best behaviour’ all day at nursery, it is common to boil over with parents.

Eileen Hayes is author of  Tantrums - Understanding and Coping with your Child's Emotions, by Hamlyn.