Summer Dreams by Ian Waite

[advert:mpu]According to a new survey from the ‘Institute of Fiscal Studies’, children born between June and August are at a considerable disadvantage to those born earlier in the school year.

Now it all makes sense…..!!

Apparently the reason I am not an Astronaut or Prime Minister is because my birthday is in late July. Of course….Silly me, all these years I thought I had no one to blame but myself. But thanks to modern ‘fiscal studies’ I know that I have been greatly wronged my whole life.

Being the son of middle class ‘Hippy Parents’ (weekends only), I actually grew up thinking I underachieved at school because I was a Leo and therefore naturally an idle swine. Now that I am grown up, I realise that horoscopes (like fairies) are something only children and unhinged, bearded adults should believe in. The idea that you and have the same personality as 1/12th of the population (due to the position of certain astrological bodies), is… in short… mental. Living a life absent of LSD and cheap cider, I have turned my back on my ‘roots’ and now cynically scoff at such silliness.

Now that I have turned to Science, a ‘Fiscal Study’ has popped up to give me another ‘get out of jail free’ card. I no longer have to take responsibility for my failure to reach my academic potential. Obviously I am being Fesicious (I spelt that wrong but it’s not my fault). But, saying that a quarter of the population need extra help because they are slightly younger when starting school is, in short, a bit silly. My son just (like me) is an able-bodied, middle class, white, average heighted, fair haired, green eyed boy. He lives in the most affluent city of a democratic western country, in a house containing both his parents, hot and cold running water, a flushing toilet, access to the internet and a cat. It is quite hard to think of anyone born with more advantages in life. If there is anyone on this planet who doesn’t need extra help it is him. (Or me, come to think of it).

The only real obstacle in life to people such as me or my son, is that of complacency. The last thing we need is to be told that we have an excuse for not trying at school. Why not just slice up a nice big slice of the world stick it on a silver platter and deliver it to my door in the morning (not too early, I fancy a lie in).

To do well at school you need to either be very intelligent or very hard working, or to have a bit of both. Everyone has obstacles to get over in life if they are to do well. If this is the only thing me or my son have to overcome then I think we have got of pretty lightly. I'm not against disadvantaged people getting extra help but please make sure they actually need it first.

Oh and by the way, having a summer Birthday is great. You never have to go to school on your birthday. You can have parties in the park or on the beach. And unlike those born near Christmas, you never ever ever get given, joint Christmas/birthday presents. So there !

PS, does anyone actually know what ‘Fiscal Studies’ are….? I might ask my sister… she will know, she was born in February.



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