So after my unpredicted summer break from blogging I'm easing myself in gently with this fun little retrospective on those dry-mouthed, speechless, 'ground, SWALLOW ME UP!' moments only a parent can identify with...
1) Top of my bunch is a shopping trip to PC World. Ds is four, and has just started to discover the magic of Roald Dahl. Excitedly, be grabs my hand, drags me away from my inspection of the cheapest flat screens over to a very, very rotund lady in the digital voice recorder section (eerie how this is all still so crystal clear in my mind) and says, 'mummy, mummy, look it's her! It's violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! And she's turning violet, look! Look!' Ds smothered quickly, fed lollypop, all exit shop. Days before we go out again.
2) This should be top of my list as I feel both guilty and embarrassed about it... but I won't lie and say it is. Ds was three, and like all three year-olds, he pushed me to the limit. And beyond, actually, as he really played up at night time, and I'm a gal who really needs her sleep. Enough excuses: I really lost my temper with him and gave him a smack because he wouldn't go back to bed at 3am. Not in my Ideal Parenting Plan, not something I'm proud of or would repeat. And incidentally, not something that worked. The next day he told everyone: in a worried tone, to his grandma on the phone 'mummy... [pause for lip quivering] smacked me!' Poor ds, plus, my mum told me off. Then our neighbour 'my mummy got really cross and smacked me last night'. Then the postman who we saw on the way to the park, three other mums we met in the park, the lady in the bakery and some random woman posting leaflets through doors. Louder and louder he said it and any attempt to silence him would have been ill-advised.
Again, retreated, defeated, and stayed behind doors till he had more or less forgotten about it. Poor ds.
3) 'You're very pretty', ds says to the frankly, very pretty lady sitting opposite him on the train into London. He's three. They chat for a while and she gives him a sweet, which blows him away. 'You're very nice AND you're very pretty' he says, stepping up the charm. Encouraged by her 'thank you!'s he goes one step further. 'Are you going to have tea at your house tonight or do you want to come to my house for tea. My mummy is cooking my tea and you can come too. You could go with your man there [points to her boyfriend who has been smiling indulgently throughout], only he's got bad teeth and I don't think he can eat any of the sweet things we have at home. But you could come.' London Bridge could not have come soon enough.
OK I've told you mine, now you tell me yours!
Bullying doesn’t just happen to other kids, it’s not always easy to spot and we need to give kids the confidence and the strategies to recognise and combat threatening behaviour.
Dp & I are getting married, 8 years and two kids down the line. It's less than a week away, we've got 100 people coming and we've yet to buy the rings - I haven't even found a dress - but here's ...
Come on, I challenge you not to smile...
Watch out bugs, baby's about! Wiggle your tasty little abdomen in front of him and you're dead meat, honey!
The first person to wish me happy mother's day on Sunday was my mother in law, on my mobile, in the toilet, about 5pm. Can't get much more depressing than that...
Anyone else’s kids into this? It's like SecondLife but with penguins and for kids...
We're now halls supervisors, living in a quiet block and eating in the canteen with 230 students where every night is a potential party. It's great fun, but a bit out of the ordinary... how can the ...
After being pretty much indifferent to who gives him his presents, this year it seems that ds1 is DESPERATE to believe in Santa Claus, and the man’s lifestyle, generosity and ‘big brother’ ...
Of course in hindsight I see it's a little naive of me to trot around searching for rubber knickers, but you see we have this Poo Emergency on our hands (literally, as it goes)...
Yay! Ds2’s started to crawl at 8 & ½ months! He has been doing this thing for a while where he goes on all fours, sticks his bum in the air and then pumps up and down in a very wobbly and ...
An hour on an amphibious car round the sights of London with five four year olds yelling ‘quack quack!’ to passers by: more fun than it sounds!
It may take a while to settle my four-year-old and six-month-old into their new, German nursery.
So here we all are – we’re in our wee flat in Germany with just a few boxes, some raincoats and wellies and a couple of sleeping bags. Like Glastonbury without the mud, drugs or music....
Stagger, the ugly superhero who only comes out at night, is my son's new alter-ego...
So, the baby starts nursery on 28th August... and hasn't yet taken more than a mouthful from a cup or bottle. It's an uphill battle.
It's started: huge clumps of hair coming out when I brush my fingers through it. Plug hole totally bunged up when I have a shower. The old postpartum hair loss begins again...
So I think the happy hormones must be finally wearing off (fun while it lasted) and the incessant tiredness beginning to kick in. Or perhaps those are just my excuses for leaving the baby in the car ...
Paranoia was only made worse by horror stories from other mums: one who walked in on her older son standing in front of the new baby wielding a pair of scissors...
Son no.1 couldn't have been more pleased with his new baby brother. He picks out the cutest nappy for him to wear, and seems charmed when the baby does a poo whilst sitting on him!
We're pox-free, hooray! But a few days later ds broke out in hive-like red lumps - turns out that their wee bodies can have an allergic reaction to the chickenpox virus which causes its own rash. ...
We don’t go out trick or treating. We lie in wait for them to come to us. This year, ds dressed in his skeleton outfit and accosted passers by with sweets... All was fine until he stuck an eyeball up ...
Poor old ds really isn't looking forward to 'Big School'. “They won’t like me” he sobbed, “I’ll be in the corner of the playground on my own because I won’t have any friends of my own!” He thinks ...