Something to deny by Ian Waite

[advert:mpu]Many people will look you in the eye and tell you that they're not middle class. This is despite the extreme lack of jellied eels or swan in there diet. They will look over the top of there G2 supplement, blow the frappacino froth from there top lip and then tell you about there granddad who worked ‘down pit’ or there auntie who was a friend of Princess Margaret at Rhodean or something.

If people are not in denial about their class status, then they are often at least a tad embarrassed about their unfashionable upbringing and lifestyle. The fact of the matter is that virtually everyone is middle class nowadays. 100 years ago 75% of the population were working class. That means that most people have working class roots within the last 3 or 4 generations. Don’t let this confuse you, you are still middle class.

What has this got to do with children I hear you ask? Well if you have any lingering doubts about your class then your children and how you interact with them is a great barometer to your true status in society. No matter how many football matches you take them to or plates of black pudding you throw down there necks your kids always manage to show their (and therefore your) middle class colours in the most public of places.

Here's a quick test. One of the answers is a real life incident from my very middle class life.

You named your child after A) your favourite clothes Label or a famous footballer B) your favourite relative or a famous historical figure C) a favourite relative who WAS a famous historical figure.

Your Childs favourite food is A) Transformasnack B) toasted Ciabatta with sundried tomatoes and Buffalo Mozzarella C) Swan

In a Supermarket your 3-year-old shouts the following, A) ‘please stop smacking me’ B) ‘Daddy are we going to use the rice to make Sushi?’ C) ‘Oh look granny is on the bank notes’

You spent today A) down a mine B) looking at a parent advice website C) opening a supermarket

The Sushi line is actually a quote form my eldest son - Samson - last year. If you look in the dictionary under ‘middle class’ you will find the definition as a 3 year old with an old testament name standing in Waitrose shouting about how he wants to make Sushi.

So we have ascertained that we (and our 2.4 children with pretentious names) are all middle class (all of us on this website anyhow). Now that we are all out of the ‘middle class closet’ we can all relax and stop feeling ashamed about our very responsible and positive attitudes to parenthood. ‘A working class hero is something to be’ wrote John Lennon. A man from a lower middle class but respectable back ground who had a psychedelic Rolls Royce and about £5 million in the bank. In truth, the only people who romanticise working class life are the middle classes. I believe this can only be to ensure there is less competition for the good school places.

I propose we change Lennon’s lyrics to something more truthful. Like ‘a middle class person is something to be, if that’s ok with everyone else….. I mean I wouldn’t want to upset anyone.’

Video Clips