Beware religion rife in suburbs by Jo

[advert:mpu]At first we thought it might be because Chanukah comes before Christmas, and hence so do the presents. Of course let us not forget there are eight days of Chanukah and so multiple more opportunities for presents. But no, we're into February and the conversion rates are still sky high. I’m not sure what the Beth Din (Jewish Judicial board of Rabbis) would make of it (Judaism is not meant to be a proselytising religion), but the Jehovah Witnesses could learn a thing or two about getting new recruits.

The situation is getting slightly out of hand. One boy’s parents were called in to see the class teacher. “Can you tell me, Mr and Mrs Smith, is Bill Jewish?” His parents looked bemused. “Bill – our blond haired, blue eyed, uncircumcised, Christmas loving child – I don’t think so.” “Well” said Ms Taylor, “he seems to think he is. Yesterday I asked all the Jewish children to come to the front to tell the class about Chanukah. Bill came up with them.

I was sure that he wasn’t Jewish, but when challenged, he looked me straight in the eyes, with unflinching confidence, and proclaimed his adherence to Moses.” “No”, said Mr and Mrs Smith “I can tell you now, Bill has never had a salt-beef sandwich in his life!”

Next it was the turn of the German twins. Their mum phoned me to tell me that Charlie would like to come over for a Friday night Shabbat meal. I was slightly taken aback. “Sure”, I replied, “but why?” ”I don’t know” replied Frieda, “but he really really wants to.” And so he came, and enjoyed it, rituals and all, but kept looking around for something, but wouldn’t say what.

It was time to find out the truth. The school can’t deal with this many Jews. So Frieda set about the task, interrogation at the ready. Charlie cracked.

Barney has been fuelling the class with some interesting half-truths. Apparently, the super- hero Ben 10 (who in his eyes is up there with god), has an interesting ancestral history. Not satisfied that he can turn himself into any alien of choice, he has taken on a new religion. Are you ready for this… Ben 10 is Jewish. He lives next door. And the piece de resistance…you can only see him if you are Jewish.

So watch out parents of Ben-10 lovers, it’s not the violence you need to worry about, but beware the path to religion !!

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