Subterfuge in the home by Jo

I’ve been rumbled. For about six months I have been deceiving my husband with certain untruths. I have been careful to cover my tracks. Some people might call it a minor indiscretion I would call it an absolute necessity in life.

[advert:mpu]No, it’s not another man. It’s something many would argue is far more essential…

The truth is that for the past six months I have had a secret cleaner. For nine years we have had the same great cleaner once a week, but three children later (that’s our children, not the cleaners) I came to the unilateral decision that we needed more help. The chaos was overwhelming, the little people had staged a revolution and were discussing tactics for a coup d’etat. I needed order. I needed help. I needed 2 hours of extra cleaning. I did put the suggestion past the other parties in the household, but they didn’t agree that point 6 part III was necessary, and vetoed the said proposal.

But just like any good democratic justice system I ignored the ruling, and secretly went in search of another cleaner. Perhaps I am more suited to a dictatorial style political system, with myself as the helm as despot.
Anyway, I finally found my friends au-pair who agreed to work for us for a couple of hours on Thursday morning. All went well. Every Thursday Avi would return from work and comment - “oh the house looks clean today”, and I would reply angelically “Yes I managed to get down to some cleaning today.” I did notice a certain lilt to his voice, but always chose to ignore it.

Unfortunately as with any good cunning plan, it fell apart. Last week Olga babysat for us, and as we said goodbye, she called out “see you Thursday.” Well that was it. Avi’s face lit up and a giant joker style grin appeared on his face.” I knew it, I knew it, I knew it was impossible that you would actually clean, I thought it was beyond you, all those times you took the credit for the clean house and it was…”

I knew at that point it could go either way. Either I could deny it and act deeply offended that he thought I could lie so deviously or I could be more upset that he thinks I can’t clean, or I could give up and admit that I am a lying scheming good for nothing. What I needed was some good media spin.

Despite all this I seemed to have won the battle and Olga remained our cleaner. Well that’s what I thought up to yesterday, when I received a text saying that she quit. Perhaps she couldn’t cope with the pressure of being a covert cleaner, or perhaps I was double crossed and infact Avi had got to her first. Either way I am now back at square one - with the under 5 junta encroaching on our power base, a dirty toilet and no-one official to help.
(If you do know someone give me a call. Although make sure it during the day, when Avi is at work….).

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