My Baby Knows Quantum Physics by Roy

Space Time Continuum

[advert:mpu] Now the little one is six months old – SIX MONTHS, I can hardly believe it! It feels like more than that, if fact some days I’m not quite sure what day it actually is, yes even more than usual…

This has led to me theorising about the space time continuum in the Walthamstow bay area and whether babies have the power to alter the fabric of time. Since I have been feeling slightly otherwordly for several months now (even more than usual) I thought it only right that in the interests of bad science, to sate my post-fatherhood curiosity and to prove that my brain actually does still fire up occasionally, I will now propose a complex though scientifically dubious hypothesis, ahem.

My calculations propose that the amount of lost sleep over 26 weeks equates to roughly 1 hour per night for the first 6 weeks, then 30 minutes for the following 12 weeks and about 20 minutes for the next 8 weeks, giving a grand total of:

1 hour x 42 days = 42 hours = 2 days
30 mins x 82 days = 41 hours = 2 days
20 mins x 56 days = 20 hours = 1 day
* not legally binding

…Which leads me to inevitable conclusion that even though in real time it is Thursday, 18th February 2007, in Baby Time (patent pending) my daughter-adjusted calendar tells me that through sleep deprivation I have lost five whole days since August 2006. This means it is actually 5:30pm, Friday afternoon on 24th February 2007. Which, handily, means a couple of things. Namely that my visage will soon be appearing in lights in its rightful place alongside stellar minds such as Einstein, Marconi and Mcfly and equally important I’ve just completed a weeks worth of work in a millisecond, I didn’t have to choose what to eat for lunch and its now most certainly time for the pub, et Voila: Time travel in a snap! All that's left now is to ensure I don’t bump into my parallel self in Waitrose tomorrow morning!

Babies dontcha just love their capacity for quantum physics...

Other things that vex a new dad

That **** Pram. Is anyone up for pram mechanic classes? Failing that anyone got a lump hammer handy?

Where do all the babygrows in the world go? We’ve stockpiled about a hundred, ready for either another nipper or climate driven Armageddon, whichever comes first.

The Tube: Dirty, smelly, broken, wrong snow, and completely lift-less and un-child friendly. Anyone know how long does it take to walk from Walthamstow to Camden? Because I’m seriously considering it!

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