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In the Shop

Jo

An introduction to a 34-year-old woman living in a world of testosterone – three boys, one husband and 564 imaginary male superheroes (the boys’, not mine!!).
Office life, but not as you remember it
28 April 2009

Back to work but dressed as a cross-breed... welcome to one mumgrel's world

Constipation
12 November 2008 Twenty minutes later, and after a lot of pushing it would arrive. The poo had been so big it simply could not come out....
Anyone for tea?
10 November 2008 Yup Gabriel has grasped the concept that you poo into something and has landed one right in there...
Subterfuge in the home
17 September 2008 For about six months I have been deceiving my husband with certain untruths...
Top tips for Top Shop
24 July 2008 to my mind doing something equally brilliant. I was off with my pal up to town on a tube train, without children for a trip to TOP SHOP.
A squirrel with no tail
24 June 2008 This blog is dedicated to a fearless friend, a woman above rubies, a woman with nerves of steel and lungs of a deep sea diver...
Flights of fancy
27 May 2008 Forget UJIT - that was so May. It has already and speedily been replaced by the RUJIT. This stands for the Really Underage Jet-setting International Traveller...
Extreme sleep-overs
20 May 2008 Forget WAGS, JAPS or DINKIES, a new meaningless acronym has been born. The UJIT. For those of you not in the know (disgraceful!) a UJIT stands for Underage Jet-setting International Traveller...
It's raining men.....
13 May 2008 The latest word on the street of science is that eating a hearty breakfast of cereal dramatically increases a women’s chance of conceiving a boy rather than a girl. Where do they get this information from?
Scenic smells...
6 May 2008 Sometimes there is nothing like a two-year-old to shake some common decency into your life...
Pardon
24 April 2008 One would probably never refer to our household as quiet. There is always some noise emanating from our four walls. Sometimes a lovely melody of squabbling , fighting, the Ben 10 theme tune, or ‘delightful’ banjo playing all set to the rhythm of my dulcet tones singing “please be quiet”, floats silkily out of the window and makes its way out onto the street where it can heard by our very lucky (long suffering) neighbours...
Don't scratch that itch...
15 April 2008 It was 8.47 pm on a Wednesday night. My husband and I were happily ensconced in our marathon but quality TV session, when we realised the temperature in the room had dropped. Tentatively I touched the radiator, wishing what I suspected not to be true. The horror hit us – the heating was not on, the boiler was broken, our lives were in pieces.
Solomon Grundy moves to East Finchley
1 April 2008 I have recently been thinking about my future – a dangerous subject fraught with potential pitfalls or rather great big giant holes in the ground about the size of Wales, for me to fall into and never ever get out...
Two going on 16...
11 March 2008 I’m not quite sure when it happened but my lovely little baby has turned into a thug....
Beware! Religion rife in suburbs...
27 February 2008 Barney’s class is undergoing a very strange phenomenon - half the class wants to convert to Judaism. No-one has quite got to the bottom of it. Children from Christian, Muslim, and Atheist homes are returning to their parents and declaring their desire to be Jewish....
The wrong side of town
19 February 2008 I am uber mummy in our house this week. Not even my husband’s banjo playing can push me off my perch. What I say goes because I am …“Supermummy!” Not satisfied with Batman, Superman, or even Ben 10, my children have found a new superhero. She is 34, greying and not into lycra, but she sure can catch robbers!! The story goes as follows…
The pregnant pause
23 January 2008 I have always said I am not having four babies. I know friends are still secretly squirreling away their Gap girls clothes for me in the hope that I will have a fourth (and of course this time it will be a girl)....
Holiday hell
2 January 2008 I would love to write something witty and amusing, but I can’t. I am in no mood for humour or any light heartedness. It is the school holidays and the boys are driving me bonkers. I try to be patient, kind, try to see that they can’t really help it, that I am the adult in the relationship, but it simply doesn’t work....
The Man with the white beard – fact or fiction?
11 December 2007 It’s Year One and the rumours have started flying. There have been whispers in the playground, furtive looks across the classroom, and tears flowing due to sheer pressure.
The case for Mothers-in-law
20 November 2007 I’ve been shunned, the ‘office’ has stopped talking to me, people are turning their heads away as I walk past, the Xmas cards have stopped coming, I am persona ‘ non-grata’ at the dinner party circuit. Why ? No it’s not a modern response to leprosy, or because I don’t buy organic, its because… I like my mother-in-law and I’m proud!
The Office
30 October 2007

It’s the morning fug – eyes opening slowly, children charging round me as I lie in bed coming round slowly, ready to face a new day. Husband (well trained) is downstairs making tea for me and milk in various forms for the boys.
He comes upstairs. Drinks distributed, children settled drinking milk and watching something on telly. Husband turns to me and asks me what I am up today. I reply “usual; kids to school and then to the office.” He carries on doing what he is doing, and then stops and realises what I’ve said....

Boys everywhere - and it's my own fault!
16 October 2007 I have a very clear memory from when I was about ten. I was walking back from school thinking about all the families I knew, and whether they were made up of a mixture of girls and boys, or just one sex. As I started to think about one family, I definitely and categorically knew I did not want all boys and certainly not three of them...
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