Unlucky in love and the rest by Claire

[advert:mpu]My apologies for the recent silence in my usually frenetic blogging but I’m still reeling from the shock. No, not from the delightful news that I am finally pregnant but from the rather sad and upsetting reaction from my partner, who after I told him that the test was positive, turned his back on me and said “Well it can’t be mine” and walked off into the garden to have a smoke.

I’ll be honest with you. His reaction did not register properly with me at the time. I was still staring at a urine soaked pregnancy test stick held between two pieces of rather damp toilet paper to really take any notice. I don’t suppose it had helped that we’d had a row the night before and had slept in separate beds. And it was nearly 9 o’clock on a Sunday morning and I was about leaving to go do my shift at the bakery of my local supermarket (a bit of a come-down from teaching I know, but it pays the mortgage). But by the time I got home that evening, he’d moved out all his stuff back to his flat.

Let me give you a piece of advice for free. If you are having relationship problems, don’t for one moment fall into the fantasy realm of thinking that having a baby will fix it. In fact, as I found out to my cost, the opposite might be true. Actually, as I was informed by a counsellor friend of mine, it is commonly reported in the field that with men with ‘issues’, problems are exacerbated by pregnancy and subsequent birth of a baby within a relationship.

And believe he has got some issues. However, I’m not his therapist or doctor and it’s not my job to try to work out where his issues lie. I tried reasoning with him. I even begged, pleaded, shouted, hollered, ranted and raged at him. But it made no difference. He stuck quietly to his guns and informed me he would be requiring a DNA test soon after birth to prove paternity. I ask you!

Hurt? Angry? I could mince his goolies in a grinder and feed them to the foxes! That’d ensure he didn’t go planting his seed so irreverently in the future! I went the whole range of human emotion and back again. HOW COULD THE BASKET DO THIS TO ME? What the hell does he think I’ve been doing the last two years he has been living under my roof? Doing sneaky quickies with the neighbour whist he was cleaning out the rabbits or what?

I can’t BELIEVE this has happened to me. I remember a similar thing happening to our Head Girl nearly 25 years ago and we all stood in the playground like toe-tapping matrons, shaking our heads and tutting. I personally scoffed that I’d never be so caught out as to let any man do that to ME! One could have excused her naivety at 17 but look at me now! And at my middle age too! I’ll be 43 before this baby is born!

So what am I going to do now? Well, I’m keeping the baby, obviously. That was never in question. After all two wrongs don’t make a right especially as I wanted it so much. And actually, I count my lucky stars that I found out now what his true feelings were rather than relying on his continued support which would never materialise. Oh, he’ll get his DNA test alright… about 5 minutes before I put the CSA his way.

As for the rest, just like thousands of mothers in a similar position, I’ll just get on with it, of course.

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