Credit crunch baby by Roy

Credit Crunch Baby

Some of you may have noticed that people in the news have been banging on about credit crunches, recessions, mass unemployment and general financial doom and gloom over the past few months. How dull. However, In the spirit of the blitz, and of a gentler, less consumerist land before time I propose some handy and free baby related games that could save you a packet on flashy presents and other unnecessary stuff over the festive period and beyond

[advert:mpu]*Note some of these suggestions may actually cause acute mental anguish to impressionable little nippers, but for the life of me I can’t remember which ones...

Game 1. Cotton Reel

Who needs expensive computer games when you’ve got ‘cotton reel’. Here’s how it works: Grab a cotton reel, or any small object really, sing diddly-diddly music and dance up and down like a demented loon then spin around while nodding your head in a cockatoo-sequel fashion, then hand the cotton reel over to mummy or daddy, or whoever is nearest and looks more sane. Once the item is handed over make a dramatic dive for the nearest bedding or soft thing, being mindful not to cause everlasting damage to any of Daddy’s expensive crystal collection. Repeat until bedtime. Foolproof.

Upside: Saves buying new Wii, doesn’t cost anything

Downside: Broken pelvis from gyrating too vigorously, broken crystal on carpet. Cost of new crystal and new pelvis.

Game 2. Shop Door

Why go out and spend real money in an actual shop-type transaction when all you actually need is a nearby two year old and a virtual shopping list. Here’s how it works: Tell child what you want - this can be anything from a nice red apple, a piece of the sky or a shiny new Bentley convertible. Them get them to run to the door and pretend to get your shiny new stuff, then they run over to you and hand it over while you look on amazed at your new car/lunch/aeroplane. Masterful

Upside: Shopping centres at Christmas are the seventh circle of hell, you will want to avoid at all costs

Downside: Playing ‘shopping door’ without balancing it with some actual shopping could leave you starving to death in a surprisingly short space of time.

Game 3 Tightrope.

Why bother spend money on going to the Grand Canyon when you put yourself in the centre of the action. Here’s how it works: put some sellotape down on your floor and pretend to be walking gingerly along a tightrope hoisted high above a crocodile infested chasm. Get your little angel to shout encouraging things from the sidelines. Make a big deal of pretending to fall several thousand metres in the waiting jaws of a pre-historic carnivore. Then do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again until you wish it were actually true. Majestic.

Upside: no temptation to buy a garish and frankly unnecessary ‘rock’ hat from the canyon shop

Downside: rivers of tears when your little ones realise that actually, they are unlikely to ever leave the house for a real adventure until the green shoots of recovery start appearing sometime in 2015.

Next time: Anyone got a spare Wii fit controller?

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